At Staatsburgh, we enjoy watching television shows and movies that take place during the Gilded Age. It is enlightening to see the era come alive onscreen through the clothing, the setting, and even the etiquette! While not every attempt to portray the Gilded Age onscreen is completely accurate, most Gilded Age aficionados would agree that Julian Fellowes and HBO’s The Gilded Age do a very good job recreating the era! On top of visually reconstructing the era, Fellowes also fashions characters and behaviors that reflect 19th century social mores. And of course, a television show must have love stories and romance! Many of the plot points on the show regarding relationships reveal rules and etiquette common to the era. With that in mind, we created a list of five relationship rules according to HBO’s The Gilded Age.
(*Spoiler Alert* - If you haven’t watched both seasons of the show and plan to watch it, this essay may reveal some minor plot points.)
#1 - Coming out = Marriageable
Before a young lady was considered available for marriage, she would have to make her debut in society. This usually happened when she was around the age of 18. A young lady’s debut was often marked by a large order of dresses from Paris, the young woman beginning to wear her hair up, and a ball held in her honor at home or at a high end restaurant like Delmonico’s. At the ball, the debutante would stand beside her mother and was presented to all of the guests. She then danced the first dance with a gentleman her mother selected to lead the dance and she was officially marriageable. Beatrice and Gladys Mills, the twin daughters of Ruth & Ogden, officially made their debut in 1902 just before their 19th birthday.
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| The Buffalo Review, March 14, 1902 |
On The Gilded Age, the end of the first season marked the coming out of Gladys Russell. Her mother threw a huge debutante ball in her honor and Gladys danced a quadrille with other young ladies and gentlemen. The ball marked the beginning of a stylistic change for Gladys. She started to wear her hair up, dress with greater sophistication, and carried herself a little differently. It was evident that she felt like more of an adult and importantly, she could now attend more society events. She could even begin to receive suitors, but only if her parents approved!
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| Gladys Russell (played by Taissa Farmiga) before her debut, Photo: HBO |
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| Gladys Russell after she has made her societal debut, Photo: HBO |
Any unmarried lady caught alone without a chaperone with an unmarried man could be ruined. A chaperone was often a relative such as an unmarried aunt or a servant like a lady’s maid. If an unmarried lady was found in a compromising position with a man, there were instances where the couple had to become engaged to preserve the woman’s reputation. On the show, Marian was a chaperone for her Aunt Ada when she went to meet Reverand Forte. Once the couple was in public, they would be able to walk and talk together. Marian often asked Peggy Scott to be her chaperone when she visited the lawyer Mr. Raikes. This leads me to the third rule…
Marian Brook (played by Louisa Jacobson) chaperones her Aunt Ada (played by Cynthia Nixon) to an art show (L) while Peggy Scott (played by Denée Benton) chaperones Marian on a walk with Mr. Raikes. (R), Photos: HBO
#3 - Do Not Elope! *
*Unless you are with child
If a woman is already with child, eloping might actually preserve her reputation. It may be obvious to society when a child is born “early” after an elopement, but that would be the superior option compared to having a child while unmarried. However, if you elope just because your family does not approve, it is possible that you might become estranged (and lose any inheritance!). Cornelius Vanderbilt III was set on marrying Grace Wilson against his parent’s wishes. As a result, his father disinherited him and he received only $500,000 in his father’s will, which was a pittance since the entire estate was $72 million. On The Gilded Age, Marian is about to elope with Mr. Raikes, but he called it off because he found someone richer to marry. Mr. Raikes realized that the couple would not be accepted in society or have money to exist if they eloped. He did not love Marian that much. Thankful, she dodged a bullet!
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| Mr. Raikes (played by Thomas Cocqueral) Photo: HBO |
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| Mrs. Raikes & Marian Brook Photo: HBO |
During the Gilded Age, many newspaper articles about elopement referred to a man or woman leaving his or her current spouse for someone else. This was happening enough for The New York World to start featuring a regular column called “Elopement Eccentricities.” It really fed into a public thirst for scandal and salacious gossip. The following article includes some tragic stories as well as some that could be considered humorous. Certainly the article is the equivalent of a "sound bite," and the whole story for each couple was likely more complicated.
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| The Granger, December 2, 1881 |
#4 - Should you marry your cousin? No!
We can find many instances of cousin marriage throughout history, but by the Gilded Age, marriages between cousins were less common or they were very distant cousins. Earlier in history, a marriage between cousins would help keep money and assets in the family. Queen Victoria and Prince Albert were second cousins, which means they shared a great-grandparent. Earlier in history there were also limited options and an area might be inhabited by mostly the same family.
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| Queen Victoria and Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg- Gotha married in 1840 |
By the 1860s it had become less common to marry a close cousin and many states had enacted legal bans against it. Marriage between cousins was usually separated by a wider familial gap. For example, one of the most well-known cousin marriages in the 20th century was the 1905 marriage between Franklin Roosevelt & Eleanor Roosevelt. They were fifth cousins once removed, which means that that Franklin’s great-great-great-great-grandparent was Eleanor’s great-great-great-great-great-grandparent. Their mutual ancestor was born about 250 years before they were married. We have 64 great-great-great-great grandparents so to share one of the 64 is a very distant connection.
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| Dashiell Montgomery (Played by David Furr) & Marian Brook, Photo: HBO |
On the show, Marion Brooks receives a proposal from “cousin” Dashiell Montgomery, however, they are not related by blood. Marian is the niece of Agnes van Rhijn and Dashiell is the nephew of Agnes’ husband, but they still address each other as “cousin.” This seemed to be enough to turn off many viewers to the coupling. However, it ultimately failed for other reasons including a horrendous public proposal that blindsided Marian.
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| Dashiell proposes to a surprised Marian, Photo: HBO |
With a caveat! This only applies if you married an older and rather unlikable man for money and when he died you were free. Now I’m not sure this is true for the majority of widows, but it seems to be on the show! Neither Agnes van Rijn or Susan Blane are missing their husbands very much and now as widows, they have much more control over their life. Of course, losing a husband meant wearing mourning clothes for up to 2 years, but for women like Mrs. Blane and Mrs. van Rhijn, coming out of mourning was a rebirth. Most women moved from their family home to their marital home and never were able to have much freedom to live alone outside of the influence of a male authority figure, but as a widow they do not need a chaperone in public, they can own property, and make more decisions about their life and finances. Of course, this was only the case if their husband was rich and left them money in the will. Circumstances would be very different for a woman of lesser means because without an inheritance she would have to work to be able to support herself and her family.
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| Mrs. Susan Blane (Played by Laura Benati) & Larry Russell (Played by Harry Richardson) embark on a love affair. Photo: HBO |
Unlike an unmarried woman who would be trying to find a good match and preserve a pristine reputation, widows weren’t bound by the same conventions. On The Gilded Age, Mrs. Blane stays in Newport during the off season because she wants to, even if others comment on her unusual behavior. Of course, staying out of the prying public eye in Newport allowed Mrs. Blane to carry on a brief affair with the much younger Larry Russell who she hired to be her architect.
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| Larry helped Mrs. Blane remodel her Newport home, Photo: HBO |
With those five tips in mind, we can learn a lot about the social mores of the era from a show like The Gilded Age. It is one thing to read an etiquette book from the period, but it is quite another to see it come alive onscreen with the settings, the clothing, and the manners. From chaperones to debuts to thwarted elopement and finally widowhood, the full gamut of relationships are displayed on the show. With so much drama on the first two seasons of the show, we can only speculate what will happen next!
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